English 1A MWF 08:00-09:00AM
Sociology 1 MWF 09:00-10:00AM
Break MWF 10:00-11:00AM
Philosophy 2 MWF 11:00-12:00PM
Sociology 30 MWF 12:00-01:00PM
Psychology 1B Thurs 02:00-05:00PM
What did you shout at me from your car earlier? I didn’t catch the last thing you said, haha.
Thank you for worrying about me last night! That’s what I needed, to know a friend cared! =) I’ll find a time to tell you all about it.. but right now I don’t even know if I’m ready to tell. =(
Man, if you ever consider keeping me you better be prepared because I’m full of contradictions. I’m a hypocrite in much that I do. But I have a good heart, an open mind, and lots of love.
I love the sound of noise. That sounds a bit dumb.. but I like it because my house always had some type of noise. If you don’t know the sound of mahjong, this would be hard to understand. I grew up with my mom playing mahjong with my aunts and uncles. The sound when they shuffle the pieces together.. people would find that annoying but I think it might be my favorite sound in the world. I like knowing my aunts and uncles are over. I like knowing they’re having weird conversations while they play. I like hearing the noise of laughter from my room. It’s soothing.
That’s why today, I encouraged my aunt to call up my other aunt so they could get a game going. My mom came home right in time and my grandfather was already pulling out that old table.
I’m going to miss days like these the most.
As being an older sister has taught me to do, I will keep doing. I’ll hold my head high, collect myself off the ground and walk. There’s no weakness here, but man.. inside I’m so broken.
Man I’m so lost right now. In my thoughts and kinda with my life. But especially with being an older sister. It’s tough. I feel like I’ve failed at it and I’m such an emotional wreck right now. I feel like there’s nobody I can talk to and nobody I can tell anything to. I need someone to spill to but I don’t even know if I can get the words out. These feelings I’m having I’ve never had before. I guess it’s the age I’m at and the circumstances but man.. I’ve failed big time. I’ve been staring into space for the longest time hoping that something in me would click and I’d go back to normal. But I don’t know how I’m going to move on with this. I wish I never knew. I wish he was never in the picture. I want this yucky feeling to go away. I want to be clear headed and rational but it’s so hard. I’m trying to see this from her point of view, I really am. And I have to admit I know. But that doesn’t make me feel any better about it. I still feel guilty. I feel so guilty. I want to stare at the sky for days. I just want to lay there and think everything through. The worst part of all this is knowing there is no end that is going to make me feel better. There is no conclusion that will ease my mind. Fuck, I’m trying to stop cussing but fuck is the only word that even remotely explains how I feel. Ironically. This is one of those things where I can’t just be like fuck this I’m through with it. I can’t let this go. I can’t help it. I hate that I worry and I hate that I care. Man, I don’t even fucking know this guy. But somehow this is my fault.. somehow I have to live knowing this, and this I could never tell.
OMG I NEED TO STUDY. OR ELSE I WILL FAIL AT LIFE AND NO UC WILL WANT ME!